Behaviours That Challenge - What They’re Really Telling Us And How We Can Respond
- Lee Fisher
- Apr 2
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 7
Welcome to ‘The Why Behind the What’ - a weekly series exploring the thinking behind key areas of our work with schools.
Each week, I'll take one topic (yes, we’re going A to Z!) and unpack what’s really going on beneath the surface - why it matters, how it shows up in school life, and what kinds of responses can make a lasting difference.
Along the way, we’ll highlight tools, ideas, and training offers that can support your practice - but more than anything, this is about helping you make sense of the “why” behind the everyday challenges you face.
This week, we're talking Behaviour...
If you work in education, you’ve likely faced those moments - outbursts, defiance, shutdowns, or meltdowns. It’s easy to feel frustrated or overwhelmed. Sometimes it feels like the behaviour comes out of nowhere. Other times, it feels personal.
But when we pause and look more closely, we start to see something else. Behaviours that challenge are rarely just about the surface-level incident. More often than not, they’re a sign of something underneath - stress, confusion, fear, frustration, or unmet needs.
Reframing these behaviours as communication - not defiance - can transform how we respond.
That’s where real change begins.
Why We Say “Behaviours That Challenge”
We use the phrase “behaviours that challenge” quite deliberately. It helps us focus on the behaviour - not the child.
Saying a student has challenging behaviour can quickly lead us to see the child as the problem. But saying they’re showing behaviours that challenge reminds us: the behaviour is difficult, not the person. That subtle shift matters. It encourages curiosity rather than judgement, and it opens the door to better, more compassionate responses.
A Quick Look at the Brain: Fast and Slow Thinking
Psychologist Daniel Kahneman describes two ways we process information:
System 1 is fast, emotional, and automatic.
System 2 is slower, more logical and reflective.
Most “challenging” behaviours come from System 1. The child isn't weighing up pros and cons - they’re reacting. It could be a fight, flight, or freeze response. And when our own System 1 kicks in too (feeling triggered, rushed, or helpless), we risk escalating the situation rather than helping to calm it.
The challenge - and the opportunity - is for us to stay in System 2: calm, considered, and connected.
Behaviour is a Form of Communication
Especially for children with individual needs, trauma histories, or limited emotional vocabulary, behaviour becomes their language. It might be their way of saying:
“I don’t feel safe.”
“This is too hard for me.”
“I’m overwhelmed and I don’t know how to tell you.”
“I need control, because I don’t feel I have any.”
Understanding this doesn’t mean letting go of boundaries - it means setting them in a way that feels clear and safe.
When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.
Alexander Den Heijer
Practical Responses That Make a Difference
There’s no perfect script—but there are some consistent approaches that help:
Stay calm - Your calm helps regulate theirs.
Give clear choices - This gives back a sense of control: “You can do it here or over there.”
Use simple language - Especially in moments of dysregulation.
Pre-empt where you can - Talk through changes in routine or triggers ahead of time.
Debrief later - The real learning happens when everyone is calm.
Want to go deeper? Our ‘Promoting Positive Behaviour’ training is available as Whole School CPD.
This session explores the why behind behaviour in more detail, with tools and strategies you can embed as a team. You’ll also receive:
A Support Kit full of ready-to-use resources
A Reflection Workbook to support ongoing practice
Options for in-person or online delivery
It’s one of our most requested sessions for a reason: it’s practical, thoughtful, and rooted in both research and the real classroom.
From Reaction to Reflection
Ultimately, understanding behaviours that challenge helps us move from firefighting to fostering. Instead of reacting, we reflect. Instead of punishing, we get curious. Instead of shutting down communication, we start to listen in a new way.
This isn’t soft - it’s strategic. It builds safety, trust, and stronger relationships.
And that’s what really helps our students thrive.
Next week... Communities of Practice
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